A Beefy Load

Here's a character sketch that was inspired by a colleague. 

A Beefy Load

Roger was a beefy load of loose fat, repugnant manners and general stupidity. He caused others to gag by his failure to thoroughly clean his folds of fat, underarms and other assorted areas. In addition, his indifference to wearing unwashed clothes, which degenerated into wearing undershirts and underwear up to ten days in a row, caused immediate disdain in the people close enough to perceive these habits. While his exterior was fouled and begrimed, his soul appeared to be of substantial quality, which is a combination not normally found in human beings. Dirty on the outside typically means dirty on the inside.  

     He loved his mother and defended her against even the slightest of attacks. When he spoke about her, his eyes lit up, his physical nature abated, and the beauty of a boy, raised without a father, shined through; he shined through all his repugnance. She loved him too. Too much, actually, in that she did everything for him. Especially the things that he should have done for himself. 


I saw him coming down the thin hallway and I realized that I was beyond the point of no return. There was not enough room for both of us to pass by without making some sort of physical contact. We made eye contact. He perceived the impasse. I determined that it might offend him if I turn around and clear the corridor calling focused attention to his tremendous size. Instead, I sacrificed my need to not touch strangers, my need to be germ free and my need to not talk to people that were gross. I took a deep breath and continued down the hall. 

     Within 12 feet of him, I could tell his shirt was soiled with more than ones day’s activity. Within four feet of him, I could smell his lack of washing out the fatfolds, underarms and other assorted areas. Without making it obvious, I held my breath.  As I turned my body sideways to make the pass, and within two feet of his mouth, I saw that he had recently eaten lunch.  He had obtained exclusive rights to everything physically repulsive.  Little did I know, that he would save my life, and I would save his, and we would become best of friends.